


I'm Starting To Think That You Don't Mean That

by Milk_Of_Arsinoe_The_Awesome



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: British Slang, F/M, M/M, Other, Overused British Slang, Political Jokes, Secrets, lots of ships, ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 17:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9667415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milk_Of_Arsinoe_The_Awesome/pseuds/Milk_Of_Arsinoe_The_Awesome
Summary: The nations find the Book Of Secrets. In it is 1000 secrets that 10 unlucky nations would rather have been kept to themselves.





	1. Inferiority Complex

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a repost of my story "I'm Starting To Think That You Don't Mean That" from fanfiction.net. I wasn't going to post it here because I don't trust myself and the AO3 formatting with bold and italics, but I guess I'm going to have to because people over there have been harassing me about it being "plagiarized" which it is not. Well, some of the headcanons were word-on-quote "borrowed" but that wasn't what I was being attacked about. It was someone else's story that I don't think mine is like at all and they claimed I had copied it word-for-word. I didn't do that, I promise. I'm posting it here just in case it gets pulled down, as well as several other stories that I have not moved over yet for some odd reason. Just in case. 
> 
> Anyway, I may screw up the formatting here because of the way you have to bold/italicise stuff here. I tried bolding the parts that need to be bolded, but quickly gave up because preview was showing it as a lost cause *sighs* It looked better on Ffnet. Perhaps I will try Wattpad as well...

The nations weren't sure what to expect when the book fell from the sky along with a note. Germany cautiously picked it up

Dear Nations,

_In this book is the Secrets of ten nations. You guys cannot leave until you have read all of the book. You aren't allowed to kill each other._  
Sincerely,  
Milky O. Awesomeway __

__"What a stupid-sounding name," Romano mumbled. "I don't want to know anything about any of you."_ _

__Germany started to open the book but England reached for it. Germany sighed and handed it over. England opened it. He looked at Romano. "Well, that's fine, because you're first anyway." Spain, Prussia, and America snickered._ _

__Romano fumed. "What? You're lying, you bastard!"_ _

__England rolled his green eyes but began to read aloud. "There was more to Romano said nation turned tomato red then just the grumpy, cynical, uncouth, and rude version of Italy.Romano mumbled something under his breath. It was something not a lot of other nations realized."_ _

__"I've always realized that," Italy said.  
"He was cynical, sure. He cursed a lot. He was rude, sometimes, around certain nations. Grumpy, depends on the definition. But he was more than that. He had feelings, emotions that other nations sometimes overlooked for his younger, cuter, polite, bubbly brother. All the things that Romano was not."_ _

__Romano started to get up, but Prussia pushed him back down. Romano struggled to get out of his grip, but it was useless._ _

__"But because no one really made a genuine effort to get to know Romano, there were one hundred things that no one knew about South Italy..."_ _

__"One" England read. "He thought that Veneziano was better than him since North Italy was born."_ _

__"Roma!" Spain said. "Haven't I talked about you about that?" Romano turned away, not wanting to be reminded of Spain constantly reminding him that Veneziano wasn't better than him. Spain only said it because he pitied him._ _

__2\. He still gets jealous about Veneziano's art skills._ _

__Italy blushed. "But fratello, I'm sure you're really good too!" Romano went to reply, but Prussia put a hand over the Italian's mouth._ _

__3\. He names every tomato in his garden._ _

__Spain muttered. "I do too."_ _

__4\. Spain always questioned how once every year on his birthday a bundle of roses, starting from about a decade of dealing with Romano, to present day, always ended up on either his doorstep or his bed while he was sleeping. Romano would never say that it was him._ _

__"That's so cute." Spain gushed at the same time as Belgium, Hungary, Italy, and Liechtenstein_ _

__5\. Romano never actually did have a crush on Belgium_ _

__Belgium, Spain, and Netherlands all blinked in surprise_ _

__6\. He was rude to males because Vatican City, the grumpy man that he was, beat him for liking guys when he was a child when he gave Holy Rome a bouquet of flowers. He still has scars from it. He flirts with girls for the same reason. And also because his Italian nature makes it impossible to be disrespectful to women_ _

__Hungary smiled. "Romano, there's nothing wrong with liking guys." Belgium smiled._ _

__7\. On top of that, every male in Romano's life has hurt him in some way._ _

__Austria and Turkey both looked away uncomfortably._ _

__8\. He's still afraid of Turkey and France for what they did to him as a child_ _

__Spain uncharacteristically glared at France, who laughed uneasily._ _

__9\. Veneziano wasn't the only Italian who was affected by Holy Rome's death_ _

__Romano struggled to get out of Prussia's arms again._ _

__10\. Romano had feelings for Holy Rome as well. Unrequited, of course._ _

__Romano's face burned. His brother turned his face away, suddenly serious._ _

__11\. Romano learned Spanish pretty fast as a kid, but he pretended not to. He didn't want Spain to know._ _

__Spain grinned. Romano pouted and gave up removing himself from Prussia's grip._ _

__12\. He loves Veneziano, but he can't help but hate him for everyone favoring him over South Italy_ _

__Italy smiled, still looking sad. He got up and hugged his brother, who attempted to curse at him. Prussia awhed, along with Hungary._ _

__13\. He doesn't like to admit it, but Vatican City is their father_ _

__"Ve. He is."_ _

__14\. He thinks Vatican City is a jerk_ _

__The room erupted in laughter._ _

__15\. Spain was always so close to France and Prussia and Romano was jealous of them as a kid. Whenever they were over Spain ignored him._ _

__Prussia laughed in Romano's ear. "You were jealous of the awesome me."_ _

__16\. Romano hates Germanic countries, but unlike what people think he actually does have reasons to._ _

__Germany looked up in surprise. He had always figured that Romano was the overprotective—and slightly racist—brother._ _

__17\. Romano hates Germania, dead or not. He killed the Roman Empire._ _

__Prussia let go of Romano right then and hid behind England, who hit him with the book. Romano started releasing expletives at Germany and Prussia._ _

__18\. Romano hates Austria for being Germanic, but also for giving him up as a kid, for treating him like shit, and most of all for separating him and his brother. Austria liked Veneziano better than Romano._ _

__Hungary sighed. Austria looked nervous. Spain looked guilty._ _

__19\. Prussia is of Germanic bloodline too. Prussia is very annoying. Prussia liked Veneziano over him too._ _

__Prussia came out from behind England. "You don't make it easy, Lovi. You need to learn to trust us and stop trying to push us all away when all we wanted was to get to know you."_ _

__Romano almost yelled, "That's rich coming from you!" He ultimately decided not to. Prussia would probably have his time anyway._ _

__20\. Switzerland is Germanic too. So Romano hates him as well. And he's always shooting at Veneziano's butt._ _

__"Awh, fratello, I knew you cared."_ _

__"SHUT UP, DAMMIT!" Romano really wished he'd stayed home._ _

__21\. Germany is the worst. Germany looks just like Germania. Germany in Italian is Germania._ _

__"He does, actually." Austria said._ _

__22\. Romano suspects that Germany is Holy Rome and that Prussia and Austria had something to do with. Austria should've told Hungary and Veneziano. They deserved to know._ _

__Prussia hid behind England when Italy uncharacteristically glared at him. Austria tried to slink away from his seat next to Hungary, who looked like she was in shock._ _

__23\. Veneziano cried when France told him about Holy Rome's death. Romano hates France for it. How dare he make his brother cry?_ _

__France turned away guiltily. It wasn't like he wanted to do it. They all had to do things for their bosses._ _

__24\. Romano cried when Spain told him what France had did. He really hates France_ _

__France turned away. He'd never hated Romano._ _

__25\. He hates France more than Germany._ _

__France was now insulted._ _

__26\. Romano can see Canada. The invisible can see the invisible, he always joked when seeing Canada sigh when no one noticed. He doesn't think Canada gets it._ _

__Canada smiled. Some nations looked confused._ _

__"Who?" Kumajiro said._ _

__"Canada." He replied, sighing._ _

__27\. Romano likes America_ _

__America smiled._ _

__28\. He wished that America would notice Canada more often_ _

__America dropped his smile and turned to Canada next to him as if he had just realized he was there. Probably did._ _

__29\. Romano wished that Iceland would give in and call Norway "Big Brother"_ _

__Norway turned to Iceland. Iceland spoke. "No."_ _

__30\. And that Germany would be nicer to Prussia. The other nations might not see it, but Romano could. England stopped and paled. He continued. Prussia was dying. Why did no one else but Romano notice?_ _

__Prussia suddenly had all eyes on him like he was going to disappear at any second. He glared at Romano, who shrugged. It was a while before England went back to the book._ _

__31\. Romano could tell. He had been there for Rome's slow demise. He had seen the scars that didn't fade nearly as well._ _

__Veneziano looked like he was going to cry. England quickly moved on._ _

__32\. Romano is afraid of being alone_ _

__Italy smiled. Romano wasn't sure why._ _

__33\. Romano was afraid of thunderstorms_ _

__"Me too." His brother said._ _

__34\. He hated it when Spain would be gone during a thunderstorm_ _

__Spain looked guilty._ _

__35\. Romano wished that Veneziano would stop calling France big brother. He should hate France, like Romano did. Romano wished even more that Veneziano would stop calling Spain that. If Spain was anyone's "Big Brother" he was Romano's. But Most of all, he wanted Veneziano to call him his Big Brother, and him only. Romano was his ONLY "Big Brother."_ _

__Italy grinned. "I didn't know it bothered you, fratello."_ _

__"Shut up, Veneziano."_ _

__36\. Romano hates seeing Spain cry. Spain crying was the worst thing that he could think of, because Spain was the happiest nation he knew._ _

__Spain grinned._ _

__37\. Romano loves Spain's hugs. He just pretends that he doesn't._ _

__"Don't even think about it, jerk bastard."_ _

__"But Lovi!"_ _

__"Stop calling me that!"_ _

__38\. Romano is a passionate kisser, but he doesn't show it because he's scared of people using him_ _

__"Good kisser, eh?" France asked. Spain growled._ _

__39\. Romano is the half-brother of Veneziano, though Veneziano thinks that their full brothers. He's scared that Veneziano won't like him as mush if he knew they were only half-related._ _

__"That's not true!" Veneziano said._ _

__40\. Romano is the son of Ancient Greece, making him Greece's half-brother. He suspects that Rome is Greece's father, making Greece also his uncle, which is part of the reason that Romano has never brought it up to Greece. Also, Romano is terrified that if Greece found out that he would disapprove of his little brother._ _

__Greece, who had been sleeping on the table, looked up. "Oh, I knew that already. I always liked you better than Veneziano anyway." Romano blushed._ _

__41\. Romano is an amazing singer—better than Veneziano. No one knows that except for Spain, France, and Prussia. He didn't even want them to know that he sings because Romano thinks that he is terrible at it._ _

__Spain nodded. "It's true!"_ _

__Romano blushed again. Stupid book._ _

__42\. Romano is actually a better cook than Veneziano, though he doesn't normally do it for other nations. Prussia, Spain, Canada, and America are the only nations that he has cooked for._ _

__Germany looked surprised. "East…?"_ _

__Prussia shrugged. "It was only a few times, but he is a damn awesome cook."_ _

__43\. Romano loves his citizens and tourists. It's the other arrogant nations he doesn't like. Particularly the male ones._ _

__"Ve! It's true. Romano is really nice to our citizens and the tourists."_ _

__44\. Romano is good friends with Japan because Japan is the only nation—besides America— who can accurately translate his comments. Romano, of course, would never say that._ _

__Japan blushed and mumbled something about tsunderes._ _

__45\. It's weird how well America can as well considering the idiot can't read the atmosphere regardless of what nation is talking._ _

__England laughed when America pouted._ _

__46\. It was Romano who tended to Spain when he came back with injuries from his pirate years. Romano told Spain that it was the maid, or sometimes Belgium_ _

__"Don't even think about saying it." Romano said, glaring at Spain, who smiled at him regardless._ _

__47\. Romano suspected that Prussia secretly did think that he—meaning Prussia—wasn't all that awesome._ _

__Prussia glared at the book. "Shut the fuck up, unawesome book!" He muttered something under his breath like, "It's not my turn yet."_ _

__48\. Romano pitied Prussia. He would never say that to the ex-nation. Prussia had too much pride to accept help. Even when the bastard needed it_ _

__Prussia glared defiantly at Romano._ _

__49\. Germany is Veneziano's best friend. Romano is his brother. Romano should be who he runs to for comfort, not the potato bastard. Was Romano really that bad of a brother?_ _

__"No." Italy said. "You're the best fratello I could have, it's just… Germany is nice and he always tries to protect me. You try to protect me, too, but I…" He shut his mouth. Rare of him._ _

__50\. Why did Veneziano never have anything good to say about Romano anyway?_ _

__Italy turned away guilty. Did Romano really feel like that? Was he really not nice to him? He crawled into Romano's lap, ignoring his brother's protest. Romano sighed._ _

__51\. Romano was older than Veneziano… Romano means from Rome. Rome is the capital of Italy. Romano was South Italy. Veneziano is North. Why wasn't Romano called Italy? It's not surprising though. If they had to choose who to be Italy Romano would choose Veneziano too. He was better at everything anyway._ _

__All of the nations looked at Romano in shock. Did he really want to be called Italy? He had never complained about it before._ _

__52\. Seeing Germany with Veneziano reminded him of Holy Rome. He worried that Germany would die one day. He doubted Veneziano could lose Holy Rome twice. Romano didn't think that he could either._ _

__Germany was surprised. Rom—South Italy did have some legit reasons to worry about his friendship with It—North Italy._ _

__53\. He jumped on Spain as a kid to wake him up because he did the same to Rome as a child and the one day that he had decided to wake him nicely Rome had faded in his sleep. Romano didn't want the same to happen to Spain._ _

__Spain turned to South Italy, shocked. North Italy said, "That's so cute that you don't want Spain to disappear!"_ _

__"Will you get off of me you bastard?"_ _

__"I'm starting to think that you don't mean that, Roma!"_ _

__54\. Romano loves it whenever Rome visits him—so much that he ends up embarrassing himself with tears of joy_ _

__Veneziano giggled._ _

__"Off, now!"_ _

__"No! Besides, you're not making an effort to push me off, so it's fine. Besides, I'm comfortable here."_ _

__55\. Romano is clingy when he is scared_ _

__Spain, Belgium, Hungary, and Prussia laughed in a nostalgic way, all remembering times when he would try to cuddle with them when he was scared of something._ _

__56\. Romano actually can throw a grenade. He wanted to see what Germany would do . When the potato freaked out, Romano was pleasantly surprised. He'd never admit that._ _

__Now Germany was embarrassed._ _

__57\. Cats really like Romano, and Romano really likes cats too. He figures it was inherited from Ancient Greece._ _

__Greece smiled, remembering his mom._ _

__58\. Romano wanted to make the cat the national animal of Italy once, but Veneziano refused. He claimed that it wasn't fair to the other animals. Romano wouldn't talk to him for three days._ _

__"I remember that." Veneziano said._ _

__59\. While both Romano and Veneziano are religious, Romano is more so and goes to church more often._ _

__Romano actually smiled at this._ _

__60\. Romano's favorite fish is swordfish. It's commonly eaten in Sicily_ _

__"Swordfish, huh?" America said. "I don't think I've ever eaten it."_ _

__"Come over to my house then, bastard. I have tons of it."_ _

__61\. Romano loves the show "Ridiculousness" because the people shown on it are such idiots._ _

__America grinned. "That's one of mine!"_ _

__62\. Romano has nightmares about Grandpa Rome's death_ _

__North Italy shuddered._ _

__63\. Romano's fear of being alone stems from Grandpa Rome whisking Veneziano away, leaving Romano alone._ _

__Veneziano snuggled into Romano's chest, once again ignoring his protests._ _

__64\. Romano is awesome at soccer football. (Americans)_ _

__America started to say something, annoyed, but the other nations were laughing so hard even his loud "hero" voice was drowned out. Canada and Australia remained silent, neither pointing out that they also called it soccer._ _

__65\. He didn't mind the mafia. He'd rather they'd be in his land than Veneziano_ _

__"Awh. That's so—"_ _

__"Call me cute one more time, Spain and I'll-"_ _

__"I'm starting to think you don't mean that."_ _

__66\. He finds it easier to talk to Spain than Veneziano_ _

__North Italy looked sad. "Why?"_ _

__Romano turned his head. "It's just we we're… DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT BASTARD!_ _

__67\. No matter what he says, he secretly likes being called cute. He hates it because he believes that the person who called him that wasn't honest. He doesn't know how he could be cute when Veneziano was there_ _

__Veneziano got off of Romano's lap, and he looked angry. The other nations looked shocked. "Fratello, you need to stop comparing yourself to me!_ _

__68\. Romano's favorite color is tomato red. Veneziano's is green._ _

__"Of course."_ _

__69\. Romano is very protective of children._ _

__Veneziano smiled, remembering that one time that a group of teenage boys were harassing an eight-year-old kid and Romano stepped in._ _

__70\. He doesn't know how anyone could mistake his brother for a girl when his name was Italy Veneziano. Veneziano, really? Austria really was an idiot._ _

__Prussia laughed at this._ _

__71\. He hates his human name. Lovino isn't an Italian name and it sounds like Rovino, which meant I ruin. Vargas is Spanish. He wouldn't mind Vargas too much if Feliciano had a different last name. A true Italian name. Feliciano already had Germany/Holy Rome, Austria, and Prussia. He couldn't have Spain too. Not that it mattered. Didn't Spain want Veneziano instead of Romano anyway?_ _

__Spain had never realized how much Romano secretly cared about him._ _

__72\. Romano always wondered how his brother could defeat Turkey when they were small, but he had to be saved by Spain of all people._ _

__England stopped reading to snicker. A few of the nations looked surprised that North Italy could do that._ _

__73\. Romano hates asking for help_ _

__74\. Romano hates England turned to stare at the nation. "Really South? Really."_ _

__"South?" Italy Romano questioned._ _

__England continued reading England for what he did to Spain during their pirate days._ _

__Spain smirked at England._ _

__75\. Germany was going to betray Italy like Germania did to Rome. Romano knew it. Why didn't Veneziano?_ _

__Prussia spoke. "South,"_ _

__"Where did this nickname come from?"_ _

__"You're South Italy?" Hungary said. It sounded more of a question than a statement. "Romano, if you wanted to be called Italy you should have said that it bothered you."_ _

__South Italy blushed._ _

__76\. Holy Rome promised Veneziano that he would come back. What a liar. Romano hates broken promises. Especially from Germans._ _

__Prussia, apparently not done with whatever he was going to say, decided to comment. "South, we're not going to betray you just because our father did. You need to stop being so distrusting and cynical and become awesome like me."_ _

__Italy Romano stared at him, unimpressed. "I still don't believe you mean that."_ _

__Prussia raised an eyebrow. "I'm serious, Lovi. Betraying cute things is so un—"_ _

__"Don't call me Lovi, and I wasn't referring to that."_ _

__77\. That German was going to hurt Spain, dammit! That's all they are good for. Hurting Romano or something that he lov—er, could somewhat stand._ _

__Spain looked. "You love me?"_ _

__"NO YOU STUPID BASTARD!"_ _

__78\. He is secretly ticklish_ _

__His face told enough to nations like Prussia, Hungary, Belgium, Spain, his brother, France, America, and Denmark. No touchie the Italy Romano. When America said this, a bunch of nations looked at him. Including England, who ultimately decided to continue reading._ _

__79\. Romano wasn't good at chores as a kid. He rarely even tried. He knew he would do it badly, so why even try? When he did try, he messed up. The Chorea did not help._ _

__Spain and Austria both wondered if they were too hard on South Italy._ _

__80\. Chorea was painful._ _

__Now they both winced._ _

__81\. He was a hard worker now, and he got upset when the other, older nations were shocked by it. It wasn't his fault that he had Chorea as a kid._ _

__Prussia was now the guilty one, along with Spain._ _

__82\. Romano has to move his hands at all times, or else he gets restless_ _

__83\. He found Prussia attractive. "Because I am Awesome" Prussia didn't need to know that though… Those eyes, dammit. They were as red as tomatoes. The nations giggled. Italy Romano glared at the book. Besides, Romano had his eyes on another nation._ _

__Prussia pouted._ _

__84\. He was in love with Spain_ _

__Japan smiled for some strange reason._ _

__85\. It was the tomatoes, dammit! And the way he always smiled. And how his eyes sparkled. And how nice he was. And protective. And cheery. Even when he pulled his curl, he loved him. Actually, he really loved it now. He wasn't going to tell Spain that. Better to pretend that he was mad about it._ _

__"DON'T even think about it, pervert!" South Italy said_ _

__86\. He wished that Spain wasn't so dense_ _

__A few of the nations laughed._ _

__87\. "Three meals and a nap with pasta" is an affirmative answer. What did it take for Spain to realize that Romano was in love with him?_ _

__"It was?"_ _

__"Stupid bastard."_ _

__88\. He's called up Germany to make Veneziano impressions just to mess with him_ _

__Germany looked shocked. Prussia laughed. "You're awesome, kid!" France, America, England, and Denmark were all in varying amounts of hysteria, and even Sweden was cracking a smile._ _

__89\. Romano hates that Veneziano is taller than him because he hates seeing his little brother so grown up_ _

__90\. He's actually good at art, he just doesn't realize it._ _

__91\. Romano is as obsessed with fashion as Poland and France_ _

__92\. Romano mumbles things in Spanish when he's sleeping._ _

__"Cute!"_ _

__93\. Romano suddenly becomes Germany and Prussia's best friend when he's drunk._ _

__"Hey, South!" Prussia called. "Remember that one time?"_ _

__Italy Romano mumbled, "che palle"_ _

__94\. Romano has an excellent poker face_ _

__95\. Romano has a stuffed tomato that Spain gave him as a kid. He hides it under his pillow so Veneziano, Belgium, France, Germany, Prussia, Seborga, any other nations that could walk in on him asleep—and especially Spain— will never find out that he still sleeps with it._ _

__"That is so cute!" A bunch of nations squealed—mostly female, but Prussia, Spain, North Italy, and surprisingly Japan all joined in._ _

__96\. Romano is jealous of the attention that Spain shows turtles—that's why he claims to hate them so much._ _

__97\. Romano is terrified that everyone is going to leave him someday_ _

__"I'll never leave you, Romano!"_ _

__98\. He cries when he is alone_ _

__"Italy Romano…?" Spain questioned._ _

__Romano lifted up his head, unsure what he was going to say._ _

__99\. Whenever someone calls him Italy, he will hug them and cry tears of happiness._ _

__Spain smiled, about to say something but Norway, who happened to be next to him, covered his mouth and gestured for England to continue._ _

__Prussia on the other hand, yelled out, "I'm going to test it." Germany covered his mouth._ _

__100\. He is scared that one day he would fade and Veneziano would be left to represent Italy by himself_ _

__Veneziano started to sob. "I would never let that happen fratello!"_ _

__"After all, Romano wasn't a nation...But Italy was."_ _And with that England closed the book._ _


	2. Unheroic

England turned the page. "Ugh, this bloody wanker."

"Who is it?" Hungary asked.

"America, the git."

France sighed. "Can we skip this one? He isn't going to have anything other than food and heroes anyway!"

America paled. "Can someone who's not England read this?"

England handed it to Japan.

Japan started reading. "America was more than a McDonald's Addict on Crack that sprung up from hell, or whatever you nations think. He was energetic, pretty terrible at reading the atmosphere, and he liked to eat, but he wasn't a terrible nation."

"What was that supposed to mean!" America yelled.

1\. America's obsession with heroes comes from England's reading him tale after tale at night as a child

England blushed.

2\. His obsession with calling himself a hero stems from always wanting to protect his friends—even if he might go about it the wrong way.

The others looked down.

3\. He never wanted to hurt England when he broke away. He almost turned back around when England started crying.

England stared as if he been meeting America for the first time

4\. He lost his virginity to France after the Revolutionary War. It was their deal, and America would've done anything for his freedom

England glared at France who cried, "It was consensual!"

"You bloody wan—" Germany threw a hand over the island nation's mouth.

5\. Besides, considering the reason why he wanted he wanted his freedom he figured it was best to have experience.

France did his laugh thing, annoying England.

6\. America has always had a crush on England, even as a child. England's eyes widened. As he got older, that turned into love, and he thought England saw him as a child. He thought that breaking away would make England see him as an adult, but instead England hates him.

England looked down, trying to process it. America… had a crush on him?

7\. America hates when the other nations call him fat. He believes that they mean it.

England suddenly had all the eyes on him.

8\. America isn't actually fat. He has a lot of muscle

A few nations blushed, America and England included.

9\. He's never thrown away anything that England has ever given him—including his disgusting food.

England, despite the insult, bit his lip to keep himself from laughing. America still ate his food despite saying that it was gross.

10\. America doesn't actually like McDonald's. In fact, he doesn't even eat hamburger. He prefers steakburgers. He just lets the other nations believe what they want.

Everyone gasped!

11\. Whenever he sees a child with their parent, he wishes that he hadn't grown up so fast. He'd never had much bonding time with his parents, or even England.

England sighed.

12\. His real father is France, but he doesn't know that.

France looked up in disgust, "I slept with my son!"

America looked just as much so. "Yuck! I wish I had known that before the revolutionary war! Gross!"

13\. His mother is Native America.

14\. He still can't figure out why or how Nations can reproduce, so he doesn't question it

"Well, you see Alfred, when a daddy nation and a mommy nation love each other—"

"That's not what the book meant Arthur!"

15\. He wonders what Russia did to Lithuania that made him act like that when they lived together

Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia trembled while Russia just looked confused.

16\. Despite being initially neutral during the World Wars, he was secretly slipping things to England in both, even from the beginning.

Austria, Hungary, and Germany all looked indifferent.

17\. He doesn't actually hate Russia. He's secretly terrified of him.

Russia looked at him, "Fredka."

18\. He secretly can speak almost half of the European languages—though Spanish he fails at unless he's talking to Mexico or another Latin America nation.

England glared. "And yet he can't speak English, properly!"

America rolled his eyes. "Nag on someone else, old man."

England smirked. "I'm starting to think you don't mean that."

"Not cool, bro."

"Don't call me bro!"

19\. He doesn't understand why England, Germany, Spain, and the Italies are constantly nagging him about soccer and football. Doesn't England know that the word soccer was coined in England and that American football is actually an English Invention?

England coughed into his sleeve when the nations looked at him

20\. He created American English to mess with England. He was cute when screaming at him about "butchering the Queen's English, you bloody Yank!"

"You think this is funny you damn Yank!"

21\. England's accent turns him on

England stopped yelling immediately

America smirked. "What's wrong, dude? Cat got your tongue?"

22\. He talks to his (steak) burgers when he is alone.

More laughter.

23\. He's older than Canada, but younger than Mexico.

24\. His original human name was Sassacus. England renamed him Alfred Kirkland when he took him in.

"I never knew that." England said.

America shrugged. "You never asked."

25\. He chose "Jones" himself after the War of 1812. He claimed that it was during the Revolutionary War.

England narrowed his eyes. What…?

26\. The War of 1812 was the first time he realized that England could never love him back

"Why the bloody hell are these all about me?"

27\. The Initial "F" actually stands for Foster, not freedom like he likes to claim

"Alfred Foster Jones? I like your name, America!" North Italy said from Germany's lap.

28\. He cried like a baby when same-sex marriage was finally legalized in his nation and wore his rainbow flag around like a cape.

Canada smiled.

29\. He asked for the White House to be lit up rainbow colors that day

30\. It took him a long time before he understood what happened to Davie. When he did, he cried his eyes out.

America's eyes darkened.

31\. Most of Latin America are his half-siblings. Canada is his only full brother.

32\. He keeps the scones that England gives him in his storage room. Every Fourth of July he somehow ends up back in there drunk and dazed halfway through his own parties. Several of his stashed scones somehow go missing.

America looked at England worriedly.

England raised an eyebrow. "You keep saying that you hate me and my scones… but I'm starting to think that you don't mean that, wanker."

33\. America likes hopping the Canadian border in order to drink. He can't in his own country, despite being the country, and it sucks.

Canada sighed.

34\. Same reason he visits England sometimes

"Arsehole."

35\. Seeing Germany panic when Russia took Prussia gave him nightmares. As a brother himself, he couldn't help but sympathize with him.

Germany and Prussia both looked away uncomfortably.

35\. He has stubbornly refused to see Canada since he burned Washington, DC in 1814. He didn't want to admit that witnessing his brother willingly help England fight against him had hurt him.

Canada bit his lip. Did his brother really hate him that much then?

36\. He can hear and see Canada, but after a century of purposely ignoring him his old habits aren't too quick to die.

37\. It doesn't help when, despite his quietness, Canada is actually a bastard to him. He pretends not to hear him.

"It's true!" America yelled when the other nations stared at him in disbelief.

38\. He felt terrible whenever he forgets Canada now. He doesn't feel much like a hero.

Canada smiled softly

39\. America is an amazing archer.

40\. When the World Conference is in Germany or Denmark, America, Denmark, and Prussia go to the bar and get drunk (if Prussia is there.)

41\. He only invaded Canada to take him from England because he didn't want England to have to look into a face so similar to his own.

"Aw! That's so cute!"

42\. And he might have been jealous seeing him with England.

England scowled.

43\. Just like Romano and Veneziano, America is only the representative of the Northern USA. He doesn't mention it much because his half-brother, the Confederacy, is homophobic and racist.

"Really?" Italy Romano said with a raised eyebrow. "Why have I never met him?"

44\. But the Confederacy is actually more of a gentleman than England.

45\. America's Full country name is USA-Delaware.

46\. America likes to randomly take long truck rides through mud just to get the truck dirty so he has the satisfaction of making it look like he did something. He wouldn't be a hero otherwise.

A few of the nations were confused. America did a lot of things. Sure, he did some pretty stupid things sometimes, but

47\. America never wore glasses until after he won his civil war. His eyesight still is perfect, but he wears his glasses because he fears if he takes his glasses off—nicknamed Texas for this very reason—that the Confederacy, USA-Virginia, will attempt to succeed again.

"It's even worse now that Texas wants to secede again." America mumbled.

48\. After living with England for so long, America understands tsunderes very well, which is why he doesn't get mad at Romano when he curses at him.

49\. America suffers from binge eating. None of the other nations know it, but when he gorges on burgers, shakes, and chocolate syrup, he ends up forcing himself to throw them up.

The room grew silent. America looked uncomfortable under the staring, which was incredibly odd as he loved attention any other time.

50\. America wishes that he didn't have to pretend to be happy all the time.

Japan dropped the book. The other nations tried to comprehend what was being said. Pretends to be happy? What did that mean?

51\. America might be pretty shitty at trying to cook Spanish, Italian, or anyone's else food for that matter, but after living with England he's better at making English food than Arthur himself.

"It's true." South Italy said. "His Italian and Spanish food tastes like shit. Not that Antonio's is any better."

"Oh, Roma! I'm starting to think that you don't mean that."

"Shut up bastard!"

"That either." Spain smiled widely.

52\. He eats it willingly only on a July 5th, to get the taste of Arthur's scones off his breath.

"What is that supposed to mean you git!"

56\. America loves to listen to other nation's music

57\. America used to dance to Gangnam Style with Korea. A lot… and then he broke his leg again.

Korea called, "Gangnam Style originated in Korea!"

China huffed. "At least he isn't lying this time."

58\. America loves science

"Really."

"Um, yeah dude."

59\. America is really smart and he can be very logical, but he prefers to act like an idiot.

"Stupid wanker."

Some nations looked embarrassed.

60\. Sometimes he regrets it. Especially after overhearing England and Canada complaining about him.

Canada laughed nervously. "How about we go to the next one, eh?"

61\. America is actually pretty clumsy.

England stared unimpressed. "The git broke his leg in order to get ice cream, from tripping and hitting his head of all places…. We knew that already." He rolled his eyes. America pouted.

62\. He can't help but feel upset whenever his people seem to forget about their own acts of genocide. Americans who get overly prideful about being American. America doesn't think he deserves it. These are the same people whose ancestors attempted to kill the Native Americans into extinction.

Spain and England sighed.

63\. He loves being around Finland and Sweden. They are the only nations who were there for him as a kid who still sort of like him now.

England, France, and Canada ignored the stares.

64\. England hates him. Spain hates him. Canada hates him. France hates him. He tried to do a surprise birthday party for Canada a few years back and Canada didn't even show up.

Canada blushed. "I didn't… never mind." He sighed and buried his head in Kumajiro's fur.

"Who are you?"

"Canada."

65\. America pretends not to be hurt when the other nations call him names, but it's really hard.

67\. Especially when it's England.

68\. America wished that England spent more time with him as a child. He was always gone.

England wondered what would have happened if he had spent more time with him instead his other colonies.

69\. Sometimes he sings the song "My Wena" by Bowling for Soup. He changes "My Wena" to "My Florida."

The nations burst out laughing. Japan turned red.

"It's actually about a dog, dude." America explained with a laugh.

70\. After that one Christmas when Finland said that he "was sort of a father to him", Sweden and Finland have attempted to act like parents to him. It embarrasses him, but he secretly likes it.

Finland grinned.

71\. A few months after he figured out what they were doing, he accidently called Finland "Mom"

72\. In front of both Denmark and Sealand.

Denmark laughed. "That was funny."

"Yes it was!"

England glared. "SEALAND! THIS IS A WORLD MEETING! Get the bloody hell out!"

Sealand yelled. "Hey Jerk Britain! Go back to the book!"

73\. Now Sealand calls him "Mom" and Finland scowls in America's direction.

Finland scowled.

74\. America starts off wars neutral because he is stuck between not wanting to hurt people and wanting to help his friends, so he sends England supplies and says out until the fighting is over or someone forces him into it.

"It's so cute that he was trying to help England!"

75\. Not intervening in Rwanda will always be one of his biggest regrets. He wished that he had done something.

England, Belgium, Germany, and France looked down with a sigh. Japan tensed when reading the next line.

76\. He wished that he hadn't hurt Japan in WWII. He couldn't face him for decades after, knowing that Japanese people are still dying today from the radiation effects.

77\. He forgave Japan for Pearl Harbor, but he will never forgive himself for Hiroshima and Nagasaki

Japan stopped reading and looked up at America. "America-kun?"

Canada crawled worriedly into America's lap. Were… those tears?

78\. His biggest regret is leaving England crying on that field

Great! Now England was crying! And in France's shoulder, nonetheless

79\. England would never believe him.

80\. Vietnam was a useless war. He regrets his part in it.

Vietnam and France winced.

81\. Seeing Auschwitz during WWII was the worst thing he'd ever seen. He had nightmares for a week after, worse than the ones he got from any scary movie.

Germany, Austria, and Prussia winced. Especially Prussia.

82\. He tried not to blame Germany, Austria, or Prussia. They had no control over what happened or what their boss did. America had more than enough experiences of his own to know that. Seeing and England and France both mad enough at Prussia to actually dissolve him entirely broke America's heart.

England and France both tried to ignore the looks. Prussia looked at America. "I don't care anyway. I'm awesome, nation or not."

South Italy raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure, bastard. Because I'm starting to think that you never meant that."

83\. He tried to be nice to Germany while he was in his care. If his brother had been left in Russia's care the way Prussia was, he would have gone crazy wondering what was going on.

Germany and Canada both looked shocked.

84\. Seeing Prussia half-starved and almost broken after the wall came down killed him. What had they done?

Some of the nations who hadn't been there looked at Prussia in shock. Prussia glared at the book.

85\. He's secretly sentimental

The other nations raised eyebrows. France took the time to laugh at England.

86\. Everytime he enters his storage room, he claims it's to clean it out. Deep down he knows that he would never clean it out. Everything in there reminds him too much of England.

England crossed his arms.

87\. The real reason he refusing help to clean it out is because he worries that the nations will either laugh at him for being a hoarder (mostly England or France) or force him to throw out the 100-year-old scones (mostly everyone but England)

Lithuania sent him a knowing look.

88\. Once Canada asked him to borrow one of England's scones for hockey practice when England gave him a plate at Christmas and Prussia, who was also there, offered to throw them out for him. When America said no to both, Prussia fainted, making a nearby Spain wonder if he ate one.

Prussia and Spain both laughed.

89\. America likes hanging out with Romano. He's a really fun person if nations would just get to know him.

Romano blushed… "You shit stain." He muttered.

America smiled. "I'm starting to think you don't mean that."

90\. Even though America can make way better scones than England, he prefers England's even though they taste like charcoal.

91\. Watching the Japanese kill themselves to avoid being caught by Americans made America miserable.

Japan looked down, remembering.

92\. America couldn't blame them after watching Japanese Americans forced into concentrations camps. What kind of people would do that?

Japan and America winced.

93\. He feels the same way watching the way Muslim Americans are treated now. It makes him sick, but he can't say anything.

England sighed. "America, you can't control what your people do. They do some pretty terrible things in our names, and we have to live with it. That's how it is."

Germany, Prussia, and France nodded in agreement. Japan thought about what England had said.

94\. America hates his countries education system. If he could do something about it, he would.

95\. America can't stand the saying "It's a free country." It's not. He has sat through enough congress meeting that he knows that it's not.

96\. He wished that the Native Americans had been left alone. They were his people too.

England, France, Spain, and Portugal tried to avoid the looks.

97\. America has a doctorate in marine biology

A few nations looked surprised, but England, Canada, and Japan weren't. This was a guy who tried to befriend whales.

98\. America always hated England's food, but he lied to him and told him he likes them. They were almost the only food he ate as a child. Now he pretends that he hates them to make England mad.

"That doesn't make sense." North Italy said.

Monaco rolled her eyes. "It means that America misses him so much that he even misses his terrible food."

"Don't forget the eyebrows." Prussia yelled.

99\. America suspects that he actually does share some genes with Finland. How, he isn't sure, but he looks way too similar in the face…

Finland smiled smugly at France and England.

100\. After 9/11, America has never felt like a hero. He still wakes up with nightmares of that day, remembering the terror his people felt. He wished that he had died that day, though he would never tell the other nations. They would pick on him for being weak.

The room went silent again

"And a hero isn't weak. A hero is strong for his friends. If America was weak, then he wouldn't be much of a hero. Would he?" 

Germany spoke, his voice unsteady. "I think it's time for a break." The other nations nodded in agreement, while looking at America, who looked like he was on the verge of tears.


	3. Not As Happy As He Seems

The nations were too tense after America and South Italy's secrets to talk during their break. Even Spain and Veneziano were acting oddly silent. Germany wished he could say he was happy about that. Everyone was anxious for the other secrets. Would they just get worse? What nations were in this book anyway?

Germany picked up the book and turned to the third nation. "I'm not reading this. East, you read it." Germany, while he was curious as to how this nation's head worked… a lot… he was worried after the other two of what was really going on with the nation. Especially since this one…

Prussia looked up. "Uh, sure! The awesome me will read the book!" He was worried why Germany was making him do it. Was it his?

After receiving the book he looked at it oddly. "There was more to Italy Veneziano"

"Fuck!" Romano blinked. What?

"NORTH!"

"Sorry, Mister Austria. "

"Than a happy, joyful, pasta-addict lazy, weak nation"

North Italy frowned slightly. "Germany?" South Italy groaned.

"East, please continue."

"He seemed happy and joyous, sure, but he wasn't really as lazy or weak as some nations would believe. He was more than a crying, wimpy half-nation. He had secrets too."

The nations looked over at him, concerned. What could he be hiding...

1\. North Italy's mother is Gaul, making him the half-brother to both France and Spain.

A few nations looked surprised, Romano included, but for the most part it wasn't that concerning to them

2\. This is the reason why he calls them both big brother and Romano doesn't.

Romano blushed. He had figured that he just didn't like him as a brother so he needed new ones. Veneziano giggled and pecked his cheek.

3\. He's not sure if France or Spain know, or if they just think that he admires them like brothers.

"Si I know!" was heard at the same time as, "Oui!"

4\. It doesn't really matter to him.

5\. He never really forgave France for the death of Holy Rome

Austria and France tensed while Prussia could barely finish the sentence.

6\. He only runs away from Germany because he wants to know that someone cares about him enough to catch him

Germany was red. Prussia laughed at his expression. France teased the two. Prussia's voice was almost inaudible as he read the next line.

7\. He always suspected that Germany was HRE, which is why he stuck around him so much.

Germany frowned.

8\. He's in love with Germany, but he is scared that he'll leave him again

Prussia laughed as he read it, smirking at Germany. Something to tease West about. North Italy blushed.

9\. He isn't weak, just cowardly. He's actually very strong.

Some nations looked at him in disbelief. Others, the ones more close to him, just nodded.

10\. He is cowardly not because he naturally is, but because he saw what happened to Rome with his own eyes.

Romano looked down. That was traumatizing. For both of them.

11\. After the news of the death of HRE any will he had left to be strong after seeing his Grandpa so covered in scars crumbled.

France winced and looked away with he felt eyes on him.

12\. It wasn't worth it.

Some of the nations frowned, North Italy included.

13\. He had to look after Romano as well. If he failed, then Romano would go down with him.

Romano started crying. Spain and Veneziano started gushing over him, petting him and trying to comfort him.

14\. He would never let anyone hurt big brother Romano

A few nations blinked, Romano included.

15\. He knows that Romano is only his half-brother, but he never brought it up to Romano because he believes that Romano only puts up with him because they're brothers and the same country.

"That's not true, you idiot." Veneziano sniffled, clinging onto Romano.

16\. He is an amazing fencer

The nations looked at him in shock.

17\. After Holy Rome died, he was prone to unnoticeable fits of depression or insanity when people he cares about were injured.

Austria and Hungary nodded, both frowning. He was a bit… difficult for the first few years after

18\. Since Venice is considered the heart of Italy, every time something bad happens in Venice, it gives North Italy heart problems.

Romano mumbled something that only Veneziano could hear. "Fratellone! You're pretty too!" A few of the nations blinked from his wording, only to realize that he was talking about the actual region of South Italy.

"Am not!" Romano blushed. "And don't say things like that! It's creepy!"

19\. He is left-handed

Prussia, the only other left-handed nation, high-fived him.

20\. He does have a temper, but he hides it.

Germany raised an eyebrow.

21\. Every year, on the anniversary of HRE's death, he goes into a fit of insanity. Only Romano knew about it.

Romano sighed. France tensed.

22\. He hated the name Feliciano.

Romano frowned.

23\. "Happy" it meant. He knew that he put on a smile, but he wasn't always happy.

24\. His pasta is like medicine. When someone is mad or sad, it instantly cheers them up.

A few of the nations smiled because it was true.

25\. Which is why he eats so much of it.

Those same people frowned.

26\. Once he made plans to blow up Olive Garden. It didn't work because America stopped him.

"Seriously?"

"Yep. Dude. Feli, that wasn't cool."

"Ve~." He said. "I'm sorry, America."

Romano screamed. "Don't apologize, stupid fratello! That place deserves it!"

27\. Sometimes he gets so sad that he has to get high to even pretend to be happy

"Drugs? Veneziano, are you doing drugs?" Romano narrowed his eyes.

28\. He refuses to ask Romano for help because he doesn't believe he deserves it

Romano just looked at him like he was crazy.

29\. He'd hate himself too if he to go through what Romano did

And now the eyes were on Romano again.

30\. He uses the hug therapy on Romano in order to remind him that he cares. He doubts that Romano is willing to believe that.

Romano was red. Veneziano and Spain giggled.

31\. Because he tries so hard to be absolutely nice all the time, and never show any anger, there are times when late at night, he'll stab his pillow over and over and over to try to release some pent-up energy.

The nations gasped. North Italy looked uncomfortable.

32\. Veneziano cares deeply for his older brother and would do anything for him. He holds his brother's happiness over his own and just wants to see him smile. Romano means the world to him and without him he would rather just never do anything. He would die for his brother if it meant that he would be okay in the end.

"Idiot," Romano said. "I'm not that damn special." Spain shook his head.

33\. Veneziano has had a recurring nightmare every now and then. And each time it is always the same although maybe the scenery has changed but it always follows the same path and it always happens when he is left at home alone. He would wake up screaming and crying out for his brother, literally scrambling out of his bed and flying to South Italy to curl up in his brother's bed and cry till he calmed down. In his dream, it would seem like any other normal day he went about. But yet something was off. No matter where he went or who he asked. He could never find Romano. He would start running around everywhere calling out for him but he could never find him. He just disappeared.

Romano frowned. So Veneziano knew that he was going to fade too. Not that it was something that he knew was going to happen, but why wouldn't it? Sure, the nations said that they liked him, but not even the North Italians thought that South Italy was anything special.

34\. He never means it when he flirts with the pretty bellas. He just does it to make Germany jealous

Prussia, America, and Denmark laughed at Germany's face.

35\. He did want to say yes to Germany's proposal, but he's scared to fall back in love with him

"What proposal?" asked a few nations. Prussia was about to tell, but Austria covered his mouth with a facepalm.

36\. Even though it's useless

He blushed.

37\. After seeing Grandpa Rome when he was younger, Veneziano happened to be the first one suspicious of Prussia's wellbeing

Prussia frowned. What was this book's purpose in life anyway? To taunt him, obviously.

38\. He didn't want to bring it up to Germany in case he didn't know

Germany frowned.

39\. He was also trying to lie to himself about it

40\. He knows that Gilbert is probably doing the same

Prussia looked down. "Not true. I'm too awesome to lie…"

41\. He has a fear of being alone, which is why he's so clingy.

42\. He is afraid that the whole world will end up hating him

"Feli, that's not true!"

43\. He is scared that Venezia is going to sink someday and he will fade.

Romano rolled his eyes. "I'll fade before that happens. I'm older. Idiot."

"Fratello—" Romano glared at him to shut him up.

44\. What will happen to Romano if that were to happen? He was afraid that his brother wouldn't be able to handle the country on his own.

"What's that supposed to mean idiot?"

Germany coughed. "The last time you had paperwork you made Veneziano do it, Romano."

"Shut the fuck up!"

45\. He thinks that everyone else would be better without him anyway

"That's not true!" Hungary said. "You're so cute!" She hugged him which he returned giddily.

46\. He likes to sleep with people to remind himself that they are still there

Romano sighed.

47\. He only has one bed in his house to force people to sleep with him when they come over.

"I fucking knew it you bastard!" Japan blushed and Germany facepalmed.

48\. He takes medication for his separation anxiety.

"Separation anxiety?" Questioned one of the nations.

49\. Only four nations know

50\. Romano, Germany, Austria, and Hungary

51\. He wishes that his cooking could be as good as Romano's

"That's ridiculous." Romano said, rolling his eyes. "Everyone already likes everything about you dammit!"

52\. It hurts him when the Northern Italians claim that South Italy is a burden on the Italian economy. He can't help but wonder if Romano thinks he thinks so too.

Romano frowned. He didn't.

53\. If anything, he's the burden on Romano

Romano Looked at him in shock.

54\. He was the inventor of the stiletto knife

A few nations just looked at him in shock. He shrugged, a smile on his face.

55\. When alone, he often talks to himself to calm his anxiety.

56\. In his artwork, it shows his emotions at the time. The happy ones are the ones from when he is okay, and the dark ones are when he isn't doing very well

Romano frowned.

57\. He really does know how to tie his shoes, but the reason why he always calls for Germany to help out is because he's scared that one day, he'll call out for Germany to find he's not there anymore.

"You idiot." Romano and Germany said at the same time, causing the Italian to look up and glare at the blonde-haired nation.

58\. He is good friends with America

America grinned. "Of course! Everyone is friends with the hero!"

England rolled his eyes. "I'm starting to think that you don't mean that, git."

59\. Most of Veneziano's ditziness is just an act to get people to like him more. It's working pretty well.

A few people snickered.

60\. He used Gil's bird as a distraction to steer the conversation from him asking him out that one time.

Romano looked up, glare now on Prussia. "What?" Prussia frowned slightly as he read it, but quickly covered it.

61\. He heard him, but he didn't want Prussia to feel bad when he turned him down

A few nations turned to see his reaction from but he just shrugged. "I'm still awesome. Besides, I have someone else."

"Who?"

A sigh was heard on the other side of the room. "C—" Prussia cut off the person with a wink in their direction, confusing everyone but Romano, America, and France.

62\. It worked out well. Prussia is dating Canada now. Veneziano claims to be matchmaker

Canada blushed when the attention was on him for once.

63\. When he was little he was asked by Spain if he could "marry" him.

"Creepy bastard!"

"Oh, Roma. Sabes que me amas!"

64\. He said yes, because at the time he thought that meant he could be with big brother Spain forever

"Idiot."

"But Roma! Remember wha—"

"I said to shut up!"

65\. He felt guilty when Romano asked what would happen to him if they got married.

Romano was red. No one needed to know about that.

66\. And so when Spain asked him later on again, he ignored him and pretended that he hadn't

And now Romano was glaring at Spain again.

67\. He was in love with Germany anyway

Well, Romano was enjoying this

68\. Romano was so obviously in love with Spain that he couldn't think to do anything else

"The hell? I had my turn you damn book!"

"Join the club," Prussia said.

69\. He says that he's a virgin, and while that's true, it's not because he hasn't had the opportunity, but because he's saving himself for when he gets the courage to try again with Germany

About then, he jumped onto Germany's chair and onto his lap to be a human shield. Meanwhile, Prussia was teasing Germany and Romano was glaring, hence why he was a human shield. Germany sighed. "Veneziano, why are you on my lap?" Prussia went back to the book.

70\. He didn't really want to join WWII

71\. He only did because he wanted to protect Germany. He had always wondered if things would be different if he had gone with Holy Rome.

France frowned.

72\. When he learned that Romano was secretly in talks with the Allies he couldn't help but feel relieved.

Romano crossed his arms, giving Germany another glower. Germany scowled.

73\. He wished that Germany had just let him go instead of invading and overtaking North Italy, but he knew that he had to follow his bosses order.

Veneziano snuggled into Germany's chest.

74\. After years of overhearing people call him an idiot, he's started to believe it himself

The nations looked at him in shock.

75\. He wished that he could have as beautiful beaches as Romano's side of the country did

Romano blushed. Beautiful beaches? He hadn't even realized.

76\. He doesn't just eat pasta, it was just his favorite

77\. He gets aggressive in football games

"Si!" Spain yelled. "Him and mi tomate both!"

"Wait, did you just call me your tomato!"

"Si?"

"The fuck, Spagna?"

"But Roma—"

78\. He couldn't see why Iceland didn't call Norway big brother

Norway looked at Iceland who looked back. Prussia kept reading, wincing noticeably at the next one.

79\. He hated what Germany was doing in WWII

Germany sighed.

80\. But he hadn't wanted to betray or leave him. That was all Romano's doing.

"Hell yes it was my doing! Stupid pota—"

"Romano…"

"Si?"

"Shut up."

81\. Every year in October he refuses to visit South Italy because of the March on Rome

Romano frowned, walking over to Germany and pulling Veneziano out of his lap. "Huh? Roma?"

82\. He hates Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

America pouted. France, Canada, and England let out chuckles

83\. He pretended that he regretted helping Prussia attack Austria, but he never did.

Prussia grinned at Austria who scowled back.

84\. Neither did Romano

85\. He was afraid of England, but once managed to punch him in the face hard enough to make him cry out in pain

France looked at North Italy like he was a hero. England mumbled something.

86\. Because was England was insulting Romano behind his back

"I was not. He misheard me."

87\. Veneziano squeaks when he's poked.

Romano tested this, poking him unsympathetically. He did in fact squeak.

88\. He's good friends with Poland

"He's like, totally cool with his sense of fashion."

89\. As he got older, Austria began teaching him to play the piano. He can do it rather well.

He grinned at Austria from where he sat on Romano's lap.

90\. He loves to watch Disney movies with America and Canada

91\. He tries to get Germany to as well. Once he actually managed to and he ended up falling asleep cuddling him about halfway into the movie.

"Ja."

"I took awesome pictures."

"PRUSSIA!"

"It's not like I showed them to France or Romano…"

"I want to see."

"Nien!"

92\. He feels guilty when people call him Italy. He was never supposed to overshadow Romano, who was supposed to be the heir of Rome. Hence the name Italy Romano. He knows that Romano probably hates him for it.

Romano's grip tightened around his waist, as if sending him a stern message without words.

93\. Prussia and Veneziano had fun annoying Austria together during cohabitation when Germany wasn't looking

Prussia grinned as he read it. "It was awesome!" Austria crossed his arms in annoyance.

94\. Despite being in an alliance with Germany, N Italy never met him until WWI because Prussia always came in his place

95\. He has a trick to avoid receiving orders from bosses that he didn't want. It involves carrying a large number of small snacks on his person at all times. Whenever the boss tries to give him what he thinks will be a bad order, he shoves a snack into the boss's mouth to keep him from talking and then flees like the wind. He got away with this every time.

The nations all agreed that they should try this.

96\. Except for when his boss was Mussolini, who learned to have his pockets searched every day.

He frowned.

97\. He absolutely adores little kids.

Sealand grinned. "Like me!" He was ignored by everyone except Latvia, Lithuania, Germany, Sweden, Finland, and England, the last of which who sighed.

98\. One time, Italy fell asleep getting something from the fridge and it swung shut on him, scaring Romano half to death when he opened the fridge in the morning.

"It was fucking creepy dammit!"

"Awh!" Spain grinned. "Roma does care!"

"Shut up, bastard!"

99\. Veneziano is skilled in ballroom dancing

100\. On the night before his unification, Italy tried to kill Austria in his sleep as revenge for his treatment. However, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

The nations looked at him in shock, seeing a side of him that they hadn't realized existed. Prussia gulped before going back to the book to finish the last two lines.

"Feliciano meant happy. But was he really?"

Prussia shut the book, disturbed.


	4. Maybe Not So Invisible

Prussia handed the book to the person closest to him, who happened to be France, who looked far too saddened by what was going on to make some joke about someone's dirtiest secrets, which should have relieved England, but instead made him worried.

France looked down, looking anxious to get the next one over, whoever it was. He frowned when he saw the name. He started to read anyway. "There was more to Canada than just a nation that no one could remember or recognize. He was a real nation, and his name isn't 'Who?'"

A few of the nations frowned, feeling bad for Canada. Everyone knew he was, but it was just that he wasn't as outgoing or nosy as America was, so he was mostly overlooked. The introduction wasn't very long on this one, making France frown, but he jumped into the secrets of the life of Canada.

1\. Canada has always been used to being overshadowed by America even from a young age

England frowned.

2\. Even as a child, England never gave him as much time or attention as America

France looked up from the book, glancing at England with an annoyed look, but shockingly said nothing.

3\. Canada has wanted nothing more than for England to notice him as much as he still does America

England looked away from a few of the curious stares he received.

4\. Which is why he tried so hard to be just like England

England realized that he had completely ignored Canada, even mistaking him for America multiple times, despite the fact that Canada was the one most like himself.

5\. England never mistook America for him…

England glared up at France, even though he knew that it wasn't France who had written this nonsense. It was this "Milky O. Awesomeway" person.

6\. Canada's only friend for the longest time was Kumajiro

France frowned as he read it. Canada looked down. Prussia came over to wrap his arms around his shoulders, causing a few nations to raise an eyebrow.

"Birdie…"

7\. Canada was one of the few nations who liked their human names

"What is his human name anyway?" Everyone looked at America, who shrugged. After seeing that he didn't know, they looked at Canada, who sighed.

"Ma—"

"The awesome Matthew Williams!" A loud voice cut all of them off.

"Prussia!"

"What? He is…"

"Is what?"

"Awesome."

8\. He sometimes attempts to pretend to be America

"Wait, what?" America said, mid-chowing into his steakburger.

9\. He wished that he could be more like America. Outspoken and someone that more people recognized

America frowned, looking over at him. "Of course he wants to be like me. Dude, I'm awesome!"

Canada smiled a small smile. "I'm starting to think that you don't mean that."

"What did you say bro?"

He sighed. "Nothing." America gave him a wink.

10\. He didn't blame America for never seeming to pay attention to him half the time

America looked up at him, raising an eyebrow

11\. He had helped England burn down America's capital

"Dude." America said. "I tried to invade you..." He blushed. "Not in that way." Canada shrugged.

12\. Canada had a major crush on England as a child.

"Bloody hell… Both of them?" Canada chuckled while America laughed.

13\. And as a teenager.

14\. He had a crush on England since he received him from France. England had been nice to him…

France frowned, England sending him a smirk from his spot.

15\. Until America had to ruin it by stealing all of England's attention…

"Oh—sorry bro…." America looked at Canada awkwardly… they both had crushes on the same nation. Prussia looked a bit annoyed, frowning. Or was that… jealously?

Weird…

16\. Canada is jealous of how easily America can talk to other people

America frowned, starting to open his mouth. France started reading while England covered the American's mouth.

17\. All the nations who actually remember him assume he can speak fluent French

France frowned and raised an eyebrow at Canada.

18\. He can only speak enough to hold a casual conversation with France.

France looked shocked.

19\. Unless he's in Quebec. Then he speaks only French but has only dim memories of it afterwards.

Some nations looked a bit curious.

20\. He once tried to get the other nations to do an "Everyone Ignore America" day.

America looked hurt. Canada gulped.

21\. He tried to schedule it on the Fourth of July. Only England, France, and Russia seemed to like the idea.

America looked even more hurt. Only Russia didn't seem the slightest bit remorseful.

22\. Which was sort of gratifying as he could tell that his brother wanted England at his birthday party.

England blushed slightly. So did America.

23\. Canada isn't innocent. No nation is truly innocent. Though many mistake him as such because of his quiet demeanor.

All the nations looked down, knowing it was true.

24\. Despite being raised by France, Canada's ideal first date isn't at all romantic. He would prefer sitting inside watching a hockey game than dinner.

France gasped and started giving Canada a lecture on what was and wasn't a date. Sweden covered Sealand's ears. Everyone else just kind of looked at each other.

25\. Canada does not call 'soccer' football he calls it 'soccer.' Just like America and Australia.

America grinned at England. "See? I'm not 'ruining your brilliant language with my Heroism."

Canada and Australia just stared.

26\. Canada does not really care for pancakes as much as he likes excuses to use his maple syrup.

Prussia smiled. Though pancakes were just more awesomer with the syrup to him. They were already awesome.

27\. His favourite food is actually poutine.

28\. He keeps churning out shitty artists and hoping people will think they're American.

America frowned. "So that's why Cuba hit me because he was forced to listen to Justin Bieber….."

"Now you know how it feels." Canada mumbled.

"Nah, I just hit you because I hate you."

"No one can hate me! I'm the hero!"

"You know…. I'm starting to think that you don't mean that…."

29\. On purpose

30\. In your face, America

America just sulked.

31\. He's over England. He has someone else, but…

Prussia just wandered over and started nuzzling him for some odd reason. And yes, sure… In Italy's secrets this was revealed, but it still looked freaking weird.

32\. He's scared of losing him.

"I'm going to burn this unawesome book…." He was still nuzzling Canada like a cat.

33\. He knows that Prussia is dying. No one can hide it from him. He knows him more than anyone else, even Prussia himself.

Prussia made a lunge for the book which France threw to England. England sighed and smacked France and Prussia both with it and then handed it back to the Frog, who continued to read scornfully.

34\. Canada is terrified that it will happen without warning, when he will be nowhere near him.

Prussia suddenly looked concerned and sat on Canada's lap to be a cat again.

35\. Just like how America likes to visit his nation for the drinking age, sometimes he visits Florida

A few snickers went through the room. France gave a small chuckle as he read the next one.

36\. NOT LIKE THAT

"It does not say that!" France showed the disbelieving nation the number.

England rolled his eyes. "Even this Milky person knows you all are perverts…"

"But mon lapin, you were snickering too…"

"I'm NOT your stupid rabbit! Shut up…"

"England-kun is right. Rabbit in Japanese is spelt U-S-A."

"…."  
America looked at Japan in horror. "What is eagle?"

"E-N-G-L-A-N-D." Japan said, revealing nothing.

"England originated in Korea."

"…. I'm going to bloody murder you—" was heard, followed by a string of British expletives. France shut him up by holding him in a headlock, wincing as he read the next one because the Brit started punching and kicking him.

37\. He just likes the weather.

38\. Canada hates how his birthday is so close to America's. People seem to forget about him because of it.

America frowned. Canada felt guilty because he had tried to throw him a surprise party once and he hadn't bothered to show up.

39\. Canada always ends up as the little spoon.

40\. Even though Prussia is shorter

"Hmmm…. I wonder how graphic this chapter gets….."

"Ohonhonhon… Little Mathieu is a big nation now."

Prussia, not Canada, was the one who was blushing.

41\. While he grew up with a major crush on him, Canada hated England at first.

"Black sheep of Europe… Even the petit Canada didn't like you." France teased.

"I am not the black ship of Europe!"

"MR. BREXIT!"

"…Gits."

42\. Partially because he had taken him from France.

France smiled but then glared at the next one "Sacré bleu!" (1)

"What is it now, Frog?"

"How dare you slander me in front of innocent Mathieu!"

43\. But also because he had repeatedly called France terms that Canada hated hearing. He cried whenever he heard them fall from his mouth at first.

"But, Mister France! You said plenty of things about Mister England when I was your colony!" Seychelles said.

Austria took the book from France while America and Germany pulled France and England away from each other's throats. He gave it back to him when they were done acting like children.

44\. Being ignored by most other nations does have its perks at times

45\. Sometimes he'll steal their maple syrup if they forget him while he's over

The nations tried not to laugh. Canada pouted when he noticed their reactions.

46\. Everyone else's is shit, though, so he ends up returning it

"Hey!"

47\. He claims it's because he felt bad and that's the real reason he has a "nice" reputation and says sorry too much

"….."

48\. He's actually incredibly passive-aggressive.

America groaned, remembering all the times his brother somehow made him cry. Somehow.

49\. He feels a sick feeling of pride whenever he makes America cry.

"Hey bro! Not cool!"

50\. Canada's favorite number is 0 because if there's no numbers then none of them can be lonely.

The nations were quiet for a while. Prussia started randomly petting Canada's hair.

51\. Since Kumajiro tends to forget Canada's name he pretends that he can't remember his either . It's easier than realizing that even his own pet bear doesn't notice him.

Kuma hopped into Canada's lap.

52\. When he gave that bottle of maple syrup with the claim that it would make the user happy to Prussia, he had noticed that the other nation had that look in his eyes recently. The one where you're secretly hurting inside.

Prussia just pouted.

53\. He would have done anything to see his smile be genuine again. So he pretended that it would make him happy in hopes that it actually would.

"Wait, what? You mean it was just a joke after all!" Canada facepalmed.

54\. He was shocked that Prussia sent him the "Awesome Me" award and mentioned him in his blog.

"Why? Birdie you're awesome!"

55\. But they're together now and Canada likes feeling needed by someone so secretly sad.

"I am not sad! I am awesome!"

"Somehow, I'm starting to think that you don't mean that."

"Shut up!"

56\. Canada gets excited when someone remembers him, to the point that he might get too excited and run to hug and thank whoever it was.

Seychelles smiled. "So that's what that was about." Canada blushed.

57\. Even if they aren't talking to him.

58\. Canada can't stand America half of the time, but if anyone were to harm him he would step up to protect him.

"Thanks bro."

"Don't worry about it."

"He said aboot!"

"….America!"

"Yes, Mattie?"

59\. Canada might not like the whole fact that America overshadows him, but some part of him feels overjoyed when his brother tries to help… even if he tells him he doesn't need it.

"Well, I don't! He's constantly dragging the UK into a billion different conflicts that we don't need to be involved in."

"…So, is that what the so-called "special relationship" entails, ohonhonhon."

"Bloody Frog!"

60\. He wishes Germany would remember him long enough so they could be able to bond more because of Prussia.

Germany nodded, deciding that that would be nice.

61\. He once had to be restrained from attacking Austria once because of a comment he heard him say about Prussia.

Prussia grinned with pride.

62\. He knows all of America's biggest performers and it offends him when the only people America knows from him are Justin Bieber, Celine Dion, Nickelback, Avril Lavigne, and Justin Bieber. Did he mention Justin Bieber?

"…But Justin Bieber is a natural distaster! You got to take him back!"

"America! I told you, I won the bet!"

"No fair! I was drunk!"

"You were sober!"

63\. Canada is obsessed with the Maple Leafs.

64\. Canada was secretly happy when England started to pay attention to him after America declared independence

England smiled a bit.

65\. Canada was actually pretty upset when he didn't receive the same treatment that America got

The smile fell.

66\. When Canada declared independence, he wanted England to fight harder for him, like he had his older brother.

England sighed.

67\. Maybe that was why Canada decided to remain in the commonwealth with the Queen as his head of state. So he could pretend that England really did care for him.

France glowered at England. "How could you forget Canada! Look at that hair!"

68\. Canada has a secret crush on Justin Trudeau

A few people snickered.

69\. He kind of assumed that everyone did, though.

70\. Including straight men and gay girls.

71\. No, seriously.

"Oh, petit Canada, your Prime Minister is a very attractive man, but that is not how it works."

72\. While in the shower, Canada has a tendency to sing Avril Lavigne songs

73\. Very

74\. Very

75\. Very

76\. Very,

77\. Loudly

France had to show England, Austria, Japan, and Germany that the page really said that before he was allowed to go on.

78\. Once, Prussia came over uninvited and thought that America had broken in.

Denmark started laughing. "It's not funny!"

79\. Canada gets mad whenever America tells him he says "Eh."

"Why? You do say 'Eh!'"

"I do not!"

80\. Which is weird

81\. Because he does.

"I do not!"

82\. Canada has the same strength as America… but he just doesn't use it.

"I do?"

83\. Mostly because he doesn't realise he has it.

"O-oh."

84\. Canada was so pissed at America after the American Revolution when he had to take care of a sick and weak England

85\. He was completely confused why America bothered showing up to try to see him.

"He did?" England asked, raising an eyebrow.

86\. And also angry.

87\. England was the first person who promised him that he'd be their family. It stunned him because not even France had done that.

England, France, and America started fighting over who was the best big brother.

89\. It confused Canada when England seemed to be confused by his reaction.

88\. Canada was hurt when France had a chance to take him back and opted not to.

"Ha! It's clearly me!" England said.

89\. Once Canada accidently bought one of those fake maple syrup bottles and he is forever ashamed of himself for not noticing the difference.

America snickered. Canada just smirked because it was a gross American bottle.

90\. Canada spells some words the British way.

91\. Partially because they are the correct spelling, but mostly just to annoy the fuck out of America

"Hey! There is no U in colour!" America said, ignoring the fact that the author of this story put in it anyway.

"Yes there is!"

"Linguistics claim that both spellings originated in England but you losers just stopped using the heroic way after we called it the right way." America sounded bitter while England just sputtered. (2)

92\. Some words he spells the American way.

93\. It annoys England

England frowned. "It does not. Only when America butchers the language does it concern me!"

94\. And while Canada hates displeasing England France gets a kick out of it which makes up for it.

France was chuckling as he read that

95\. Romano likes to gloat to him sometimes about how ROME created the pancake, not Canada

"It's fucking true you bastards! I'll prove it!" (3)

96\. Canada still isn't sure whether to hate him for telling him this or to be happy that someone remembered him.

Romano frowned.

97\. He didn't know whether to be flattered or annoyed when he found out that in 2010, 5 American girls were named "Canada"

"Wait, seriously?" (4)

98\. He thinks that England needs to start making a stupid roster for the stupid g8 meeting

The room burst into laughter.

99\. How he even needed one was beyond him. Seriously! It's the G8. Well, G7 now.

Russia koled in the corner and everyone started sweating. Belarus picked up a knife boredly and Russia hid under the table. France sighed in relief and read the last one, trying to keep a straight face as he read what it said.

100\. Canada once attempted to stage an assassination attempt on Justin Bieber. It didn't go well because he used water bottles.

The room was quiet as they registered that.

Then no one could stop laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. French people today don't even use Sacré Bleu, I just included that phrase so I could use it at one point of this,
> 
> 2\. This is true about Colour/color and realise/realize and the like. I'm not sure about Center/Centre and such. Grey and Gray are used in both the US and the UK.
> 
> 3\. This thing about pancakes is true. The earliest pancakes were from Ancient Rome
> 
> 4\. Actually children in the US have been named Canada since the 1970's. It's exclusively female. US parents have also named children of both sexes England.


	5. A Tale Of Two Loves

"Who's reading next?" Prussia asked from his chair, Canada curled up on his lap. How the taller nation fit there no one was sure.

Austria picked up the book and hit Prussia with it before opening it up again to see who the next person was.

England…

"Oh, bloody hell!"

Austria cleared his throat to shut him up before continuing. "England wasn't just a grumpy, cynical nation who pretended to be a gentleman."

"I am so! I am an Absolutely Invincible British Gentleman!"

"I would rather get through this chapter without all of this senseless interrupting this time!"

"Aw, but Roddy! This book would be so unawesome without commentary!"

"Nein!"

"Can we just go back to the book so we can find out what Angleterre is hiding, oui?"

"Bloody pervert…."

"He was proud, quick to anger, arrogant and prideful, sure, but he was easily hurt, easily offended and often sentimental. There were many parts that made him up, and frankly, he was a rather interesting nation."

1\. England was married to Elizabeth I

England looked sad suddenly, almost nostalgic. The other nations watched him quietly.

2\. England has no idea how to swim, odd since he used to be a pirate.

Spain looked at him from where he was sitting. England sent him the two-fingered salute (1)

3\. England once got kicked out of an Karaoke place for smashing a guitar

4\. England has a tattoo of a six-string on his ass

"Whoa, whoa!" America started. Austria didn't let him finish and continued on.

5\. England's least favourite of all his Kings (and Queens) was definitely Henry VIII. That guy was a dick.

6\. Charles I was a dick too.

7\. England only drinks Earl Grey tea. Because duh.

England sighed. "Well, it appears that this Milky person butches the English language more than America."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

8\. England secretly thinks that Romano and Veneziano are the more adorable things

"I am not adorable, you damn Scone Breath!"

Ve~ Grazie, Mr. England…. You're not that scary after all!"

"What? You think I'm…scary?" England looked said.

9\. Especially when they were little and Romano was quite literally kicking at Spain's heels

Spain naturally smiled, as if remember what Romano looked like as a kid. Meanwhile, other nations such as Belgium and Hungary starting swooning as they remembered. He was so cute!

10\. He secretly watches Dora The Explorer sometimes when he drunkenly tries to create new spells or chants.

Spain frowned. "What's wrong with watching Dora The Explorer when drunk?"

"Everything." Romano said.

"Oh, bugger off! Austria, would you like to continue to read so we can get this over with?"

11\. England loves Doctor Who

12\. England secretly loves McDonald's food.

"Huh? Then why are you always yelling at me when you think I'm eating McDonald's?" America asked. Well, more whined. "That doesn't seem fair, Britain."

"Well, I—Oh, just belt up."

13\. England burns his food on purpose so no one else would eat it

"I do not! And I'm not a bad cook either! You are all just jealous!"

14\. Just kidding. His food just tastes like shite.

"Ha!" France said. "Even the author of this book knows that the French make the best food!" Suddenly a piece of paper fell from the sky and landed on his head. He read it. "This is a disgrace!" He exclaimed.

America took the paper from him. "Yo, South Italy. Author says you have the best food." Romano turned tomato red.

"Aw, isn't that cute! He looks like a tomato!"

"I do not! Cut the crapola, jerk bastard!"

"I'm Starting To Think That You Don't Mean That, Lovi!" Spain then pulled Romano into an affectionate hug. That Romano totally did not lean into. No way.

15\. England is Protestant

16\. Or is he Catholic?

America chuckled, remembering the time that he got drunk. France, Austria, and Spain just started laughing. Because it was so true.

17\. He isn't sure, but he blames the damn Tudors.

Spain started grumbling things under his breath. "sank my Armada," "Netherlands, you puta" "England, you puta" seemed to be common phrases.

18\. Except for Elizabeth. She's wonderful.

England smiled, thinking about her.

19\. He doesn't really want to leave the EU. Really. Truly. What even is Brexit? No idea!

The Western European nations all sighed, including England. The Eastern European nations all looked scared for some reason. Well, except for Russia. And Belarus… For some reason.

20\. He has a crush on America

England sputtered. "I do not! This book is absurd!"

"I'm starting to think that you don't hate me, Iggy!" America called, hoping the other nations would ignore the fact that he was blushing.

"I'm not even sure why I've started having that nickname…. America isn't even Japanese!"

"Dude…." America started to say only to be cut off by Austria who cleared his throat super loud to continue to read.

21\. But…

22\. He also has a crush on France…..

England looked livid. France started to say something that was likely to be super perverted, but England somehow managed to conjure up duct tape to cover his mouth before he could. Or maybe the author just couldn't come up with a phrase that sounded in-character enough. Wait, author? What author?

23\. Wait no! Of course he doesn't! How preposterous! He hates them both.

"See? This book can't even decide what's true and what's not. This is absolutely ridiculous! Why the bloody hell are we still here reading it anyway?"

"England's right. This book seems to contradict itself. It must be filled with lies after all." Germany said.

"I don't think so." Austria said, adjusting his glasses as he read the next one.

24\. 23 was sarcasm.

25\. He clung so hard to Canada after America left that he didn't want him to hate him so he politely and gentlemanly allowed him to be independent.

Canada glanced up at England, who started sputtering again. "D-don't look at me like that!" England said. "I can't even remember your name for bloody sake's."

"Dude, you say 'bloody' way too much."

"You don't even know the proper spelling and pronunciation of aluminium you nitwit!" England snapped at America, who grinned.

26\. Considering Canada is still part of the commonwealth, he'd say that was a good call.

27\. England... Dammit, forgot what this one was supposed to say. (2)

Everyone just looked at the book. "Did… it seriously say that one?" Asked Prussia. "Didn't think that Prissy Aristocrat knew how to…"

"Hungary, would you set the pan down please so we can get this nonsense over with?" England asked.

28\. He temporarily went blind in one eye during the Great London Fire

England shuttered, remembering that. A few of the other nations, France and Austria in particular, looked a bit concerned.

29\. Scotland is the only person who knew

30\. He's so tired of France teasing him about his and America's "Special Relationship."

France somehow managed to get the duct tape off his mouth. "It's not like you mind having 'La relation spéciale' with Amérique."

"Shut your mouth, you uncultured swine I am trying to read!" Austria snapped before England could say anything.

31\. No, really. Seriously. Damn Cheesy Froghead

"Oh, You've never had the best insults mon petit lapin."

"I'm not your little bunny! What on Earth is that supposed to mean, anyway!"

"Wait… Scone Breath understands the bastard?" Romano mumbled in confusion.

"What did France say?" asked Italy, trying to figure out how to pronounce the words. Romano and Germany picked him up with matching sighs and locked him in the closet. Nope, no French for Veneziano. He doesn't need to die today.

"How cute!" Hungary exclaimed in regards to England's understanding of French.

"I… I do not understand him! I just guessed!"

"I'm starting to think that you don't mean that!" France said with a dramatic swoon.

32\. And his insults are splendid thank you very much!

"No…. No, they aren't. Dude, my whale could make a better insult than you."

"Oui. And better food too."

31\. He hates how oblivious America is.

"Hey!"

32\. And not even because of that, either.

33\. WHY IS THE KID HE RAISED SO IGNORANT?

"Not cool, dude!"

"Trump."

"Brexit."

"Trump."

"Brexit."

"Trump."

"Bre—"

"Both of you shut up! This is not a competition of which Anglo nation can mess up the global economy more! Be mature adults and sit down and be quiet!" Germany said.

"I don't think either event ruined global economy. Economy is booming!" Russia muttered.

Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Ukraine all nodded along with scared looked on their faces.

34\. Seriously this man's people just elected a crazy egomaniac with free reign to destroy the planet with his climate change denial and nuclear codes!

America frowned. "Dude. This isn't even my chapter and this book can't stop talking about me!" The slight wince he gave suggested what he was actually thinking.

England gave him a secret smile. "I'm starting to think that you don't mean that… wanker."

35\. He lost his virginity to France

"WHAT!" yelled just about every nation who wasn't named Spain or Prussia.

"Seriously? Out of all the things that this book evidently knows it picks that one?"

"It's not like it wasn't a pleasant memory…"

"It wasn't! You're awful in bed, you arrogant perverted frog!"

"Ah, rosbif! I'm wounded!"

36\. He wasn't a very old nation either. It was pretty early in his nationhood.

37\. His kings were still Normans at the time, anyway.

38\. He's jealous of Tony for being so close to America

"Dude! He's just an alien! I couldn't like him like that! I just saved him from Area 51!"

39\. He also hates Tony

"What? B-but he likes you!"

"No he doesn't, you stupid git!"

40\. Damn alien always insults him

41\. He doesn't understand why people think he's crazy when he's talking to his friends

"…." Everyone but Norway, Romania, and Iceland just looked at him like "bish, you are."

42\. At least Norway gets it.

Denmark, Sweden, and Finland looked at Norway like "bish, you crazy."

43\. He continues to bake America scones every year even knowing that America probably throws them out or something.

"Dude, I don't."

"Well, I know that now! Not like storing them is any better…."

44\. He doesn't really know why either

"Because you loooveee me!"

"I… Shut up! You're barking mad! I don't love you!"

"I'm starting to think that you don't mean that." America sing-songs.

45\. He bakes Canada scones sometimes too, or at least he did.

46\. Then he found out Canada and Russia used them to play street hockey when the streets get incredibly icey

"Ice hockey is bomb. Scones make very good puck" Russia said with a smile from his seat. Canada looked embarrassed as the other nations laughed, though mostly at England's expense.

47\. He and Spain used to have hate sex in their pirate days

Romano ran to the closet and puked. Veneziano screamed. Romano closed the closet door with an angry look on his face.

"Ah, fratello?" Italy said. "Please open the door! I smell like rotten tomatoes and twice-chewed churros! Fratello!"

Romano ignored him and went back to his seat, glaring at England the whole time. Spain looked at the book. Spain mumbled under his breath about Armadas again. And glared at Netherlands, whatever that was about.

48\. Yes, Queen Elizabeth did know about it

49\. Hell, she encouraged it!

"Should we be reading this book with Sealand in the room?" Latvia asked.

"Wait! Why the bloody hell is Sealand in here! Go home and watch some anime!"

"Shut up, Jerk Britian! You're not the boss of me!" Sealand called from behind Sweden's chair.

50\. He changed his accent to sound a bit more posh-like when America left

51\. He thinks America's fake English accent sounds stupid, but for some reason it turns him on at the same time

"Dude, I'm going to start talking like you for the rest of the chapter!"

"Don't you dare, you frigging idiot!"

52\. He's about as much of a pervert as he claims France is, only he tries to pretend otherwise

France did his creepy-ass laugh here. Austria kept reading.

53\. In his younger days he probably had about as much sex as France did.

English blushed. "I'm not like that anymore!"

"It appears that moi isn't the only 'pervert' anymore!"

54\. One Direction annoys the shit out of him about as much as Bieber annoys Canada.

55\. The Beatles were so much better.

Every nation, including America, nodded.

56\. He can't stand American English. C-O-L-O-U-R not C-O-L-O-R. T-H-E-A-T-R-E not t-H-E-A-T-E-R. Lift, not elevator. Flat, not apartment.

"Dude, what's your problem with my language! France never complains about Canadian French or Creole and Spain never complains about Mexico!"

57\. Football, not soccer!

"YOU CALLED IT SOCCER FIRST, BRITAIN!"

"Sod off, America!"

"Dude…. WE PLAY THE SAME SPORTS, TOO!"

"…Rugby is different…"

58\. Never mind that American measurement system was originally his or many of the spellings of words that America used were originally British.

England sighed.

59\. It annoys him that some people *coughAmericanscough* don't seem to understand the difference between England, Great Britain, and the UK.

"Understand just fine."

"Then why do you call me Britain? Actually, why the hell do any of you call me Britain?"

"…I think it's the same reason that we called Veneziano Italy." Germany finally said.

60\. It's not that hard!

61\. England spent much of his childhood surviving on his own.

62\. Scotland liked to use him for target practice

The nations winced.

63\. King Arthur was real

"Would've liked to meet him." America mumbled.

64\. He would know; he was Merlin's apprentice

65\. He named himself after King Arthur.

"Of course you did…."

66\. After Merlin's death, he was raised in a monastery. Not long before Norman times he gave himself the surname Kirkland… meaning "Land Of The Church."

67\. Speaking of which all the religious wars have confused him so much that when he is drunk he forgets what Tudor he is being ruled by…. Even though the current ruling family are the Windsors…

The nations laughed. He glowered. "Just you wait America. I bet you 500 Euros that by the end of the year you'll start getting so pissed that your Commander In Tweet will become Mr. Obama somehow." (3)

68\. He named America after Alfred the Great because he hoped that he would be a hero

69\. He wishes he hadn't given America any ideas of becoming a hero because he might still love him. Or at the very least not have wanted to leave.

America just looked down.

70\. England still has his piercings from his punk phase.

Annnnnnnnnnnnddd America looked up.

71\. England refuses to accept Sealand as a country because he's still hurting from all his colonies leaving him

"Stupid Jerk Britain!" Sealand chastised.

72\. Especially America. Damn Yank.

73\. It hurt when Sweden "Adopted" Sealand. Really, really hurt. (4)

Finland started crying. "It's just so sweet."

74\. He's scared of Donald Trump messing up his "special relationship" with America, especially after the disastrous co-opt press conference with Theresa May. (5)

"Don't think that he needs to worry about that…. President Pussy-Grabber can't do much in four years….Well…Actually….Wait... Fuck. Bruder, prepare to go to war!" Prussia muttered.

"What? We are not going to war with America, you dummkopf!"

"HE SAID THAT HE WOULDN'T RULE OUT NUKING EUROPE! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" (6)

America sighed. "Can we just go back to mocking Britain now!"

75\. He had a blast watching Netherlands take the piss out of the wanker, though.

"Netherlands Second!"

"Nein! Germany Second!" Prussia said.

"Italy second, you damn albino potato!" Romano said.

"Lithuania Third!"

"Czechia Second!" Czech said.

"Nein! All of you shut up!" Austria snapped. The others figured he was just going to go back to reading again and then… "Besides, Austria is second."

The fighting continued until suddenly… "All of you can be second after me!" America yelled and took the book from Austria and started reading. His voice gave everyone earaches so they stopped caring about who was second. (7)

76\. Also, HE DOES NOT SAY BLOODY HELL EVERY FIVE MINUTES

"Yeah… you do…" America mumbled after reading the line.

"Shut up, you damn tosser."

"Damn Limey!"

"Stupid Yank!"

"I'm Starting To Think Neither Of Them Mean That…."

77\. It offends him that the British men in American TV all sound posh and about 75% of the time are the bad guys.

"B-but we have plenty of good guys with British accents…"

"Sure…"

78\. England started imposing the strict rules on America when he was a teenager because he was afraid of him growing up and leaving him.

"See? I never imposed any restrictions on Roma and he turned out so cute!" Spain pinched Romano's cheeks.

"Dumbass." Romano said.

79\. He fell in love with America during World War One.

"Awh!" Taiwan exclaimed.

80\. He felt bad for convincing Canada to fight against his own brother

"It's alright, England. I wanted to."

"MATTIE!"

81\. He really does feel bad whenever he forgets about Canada

"Used to it." Canada whispered.

82\. He enjoys the reality show called "American Capitalizt Politics."

"What the hell is Capitalizt?"

"A nation of fiscally backwards Republicans." England snickered.

"Not to mention socially…" Norway said.

83\. Yes, that is what he calls American Politics

"You know, when we say Trump here in England, we are talking about…"

"No more modern politics at the table!" Germany chastised him.

84\. England can tell that Iceland sees the magical creatures too. He doesn't understand why he acts like he doesn't.

Norway glared at Iceland. Everyone looked at everyone with a "maybe this bish is crazy" look.

85\. Same with America. How is it that America has that wanker alien friend Tony and takes care of a unicorn England left him and yet claim that England is crazy at the same time.

"Uh… Well, I uh…."

86\. Also, Tony is an arsehole.

"Wait… Déjà vu…"

87\. No, Milky O. Awesomeway did not just repeat an earlier one

88\. Fuck it. Disregard 86.

"Did the author of this book just waste three spots that could have had a better use? How unprofessional." Austria muttered.

89\. England always gets sick and then super pissed around the Fourth of July.

America frowned and looked at England in concern, who just huffed. And as he read the next few his grin was back.

90\. He does not miss America! Don't be preposterous. He's celebrating the anniversary of getting rid of him, of course!

91\. That last one was a lie.

92\. No matter what England tries to say.

England was red.

93\. Fuck it. Disregard 90.

"This Milky person really is not very professional." Austria remarked again.

"D-dude stop insulting them! They might make us read even more!"

94\. He turned down France's offer to get married because he didn't want to get married to him (or America) for that reason. He doesn't think either loves him like that, so it doesn't matter.

France smiled softly. "Angleterre…"

"Don't mock me, Frog…" England said with a growl.

95\. England is the cousin of Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Prussia, Germany, Switzerland, and Austria. (9)

"Never realised that…"

96\. England stubbornly refuses to get rid of the French style of his language because he actually likes the French way, though he'll deny it and claim it's "just because the Queen's English is better than the President's English." Even though he knows that American English used to be 'correct' English.

France snickered. America glowered at him and read briskly.

97\. He was inconsolable when Princess Diana died.

All the nations put their heads down in respect.

98\. He let his Kings continue to call themselves royals of France long after they lost Calais because he missed being unified with France.

"We could get united right now, mon lapin."

"No way, man!"

"Why don't all three of you just go off and get married." Prussia said.

"Oui! I would love to. Mon lapin, Amérique…."

"No thanks, dude… Maybe later, when I can ignore the fact that you're apparently my father now. Besides, We can't leave." America showed him the next page with a devilish smile. "You're next."

"Merde." He started reading again.

99\. England secretly waits for his Hogwarts acceptance letter to this day. No matter how many times they tell him Hogwarts wasn't real.

The nations went quiet for a few seconds before the words registered. Suddenly, Italy started giggling from the closet and Romano, Prussia, America, Denmark, and Poland started rolling around on the floor with laughter. France starting chuckling with a slight headpalm and even Germany was cracking an amused smile.

"I just—You know what, just read the last one. This is humiliating." Austria took the book from a hysterical America and read it off.

100\. England tries his best to atone for his past deeds, by attempting to be more considerate towards his past colonies. It doesn't always work.

"That's so cute!" Spain said. "I should do the same with Latin America…"

"Should we let North out now?" Germany wondered.

"No! The perverted wine bastard is next!" Romano snapped. Spain started petting him out of nowhere.

Austria sighed. "Who's going to read next."

"I will!" Finland said. For some reason he was sitting on Sweden's lap. Austria just shrugged, handed him the book, and sat down at a piano that materialised out of nowhere and started playing Chopin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Equivalent of a middle finger  
> 2\. I just wanted to put this one out there. I literally put 27. England on this one and didn't notice until I'd gotten back to it to write up the non-bold parts. Well, whatever. I'm doing this my way, lol.  
> 3\. For #67, I spent the whole time I was writing the dialogue going "Don't Make An "Orange Is The New Black" joke over and over again. I was too lazy to come up with a new one so whatever.  
> 4\. I actually really fucking hate the SuFin family headcanon. Totally historically inaccurate. In fact, I hate Sealand/Sweden/Finland stuff in general outside of AU's. Ugh. Just Ugh. No offense to those of you who love it, I know I'm in the minority.  
> 5\. "There Goes That Relationship" Trump was "joking" but the fact that he so casually can "joke" about breaking up one of the most strongest alliances we have just because some reporter upset him pisses me off so much.  
> 6\. He did.  
> 7\. If you guys haven't seen the "Netherlands Second" video or the videos that followed it, you should probably check them out. #EverySecondCounts


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